Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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