We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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