Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she told me i tasted like america
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
