chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
