I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
