So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
