"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just blew my weed a kiss
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
