even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize