Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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