This is not my ceiling
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
