I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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