Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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