Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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