I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
