and next time when you feel me up, do it right
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
