Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
