i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
