I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
