She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
