this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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