just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
