I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize