I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
