Are we in a gay sports bar?
I puked a lego.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
