i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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