i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
vagina is talking i cant
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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