The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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