I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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