Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
