i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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