You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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