Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
