So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
