dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
