we should wear snuggies to the strip club
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
