I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize