I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
