dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
