don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
