I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
