I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Enjoy the penises
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
