hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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