What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish you could order shots online.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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