I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
