when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish i was in the wii world.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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