what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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