You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
