i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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