my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
