did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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