Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
