I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
