I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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