They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
