You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
