You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And then he peed in my hair
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