FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
