sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
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I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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