she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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