He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
