will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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