So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
