Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
