dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
