i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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