Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
