dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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