The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
