First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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