So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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