Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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