Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
