it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
